We are hearing a lot these days about social emotional skills or social emotional learning. Parents, teachers, administrators, and organizations are all adding programs to their agenda for the sake of promoting social emotional learning.
So why are social emotional skills so important in middle school? The short answer is because we need them as adults to be successful in our relationships at work, home, and literally everywhere we go. And the earlier we learn them, the earlier we become emotionally healthy people. And honestly, social emotional skills are essential for everyone, even as young as middle school.
I have looked into the subject of social emotional skills for some time now. And I have discovered some excellent information on what social emotional learning involves, how to promote social emotional skills as a parent, teacher, or manager, and what that looks like in real life.
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Introducing Social Emotional Skills in School
One of the best aspects of social emotional learning is that virtually all teachers and administrators are eager to implement it into their programs. This is one of the biggest things schools (with the cooperation of the parents) can do to make a huge impact on society as a whole.
Also good news is that these programs are usually started in elementary school. But many proponents believe it is absolutely necessary for them to continue not just into middle school, but even into the high school levels. I fully agree. Even as adults, we would do well to focus on these principles ourselves from time to time.
Unfortunately, because testing and academics are such a huge focus on school performance, teachers and administrators can have a difficult time finding a place to put these principles into daily education.
While it is difficult, it certainly isn’t impossible. And what I found over time is that a significant amount of social emotional learning and the related skills is learned through actually living life more than sitting in class.
And that leaves the teacher with many more opportunities to teach these principles than just standing in front of the class teaching them. I will touch more on that later.
What is Social Emotional Learning?
Let’s tie down a specific definition of social emotional learning and skills. Social emotional learning is the process by which people are able to accurately evaluate his or her feelings at any given time and in any given circumstance. Then, upon evaluating their feelings, they are able to respond using healthy techniques. This even includes when the situation they find themselves in is not a reasonable situation.
Emotionally healthy people are generally able to show a mastery of their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors based on their ability to correctly assess a difficult situation and move through it.
So now that we have a good working definition, let’s take a look at the 5 social emotional skills.
The 5 Social Emotional Skills
The 5 social emotional skills are as follows:
- Self Awareness
- Self Management
- Social Awareness
- Relationship Skills
- Responsible Decision-making
Because most of these are pretty self explanatory, I will not go into great detail on them. But we will take a peek at each one.
Self Awareness
Those who have good self awareness are clearly able to recognize their own thoughts, emotions, and perspectives. They do well as they navigate through good and bad times in daily life or especially special occasions.
They are balanced in their self-confidence. And they are able to make valid decisions upon assessing the situation they are in.
They are aware of the the positive and negative consequences that can and do arise based on their own perspectives and behaviors toward others. They can take that knowledge and use it to make the correct decisions when in the company of others.
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses is probably the biggest advantage in self awareness.
And that leads us right into our next component:
Self Management
Self management means that a person can maintain a healthy perspective throughout difficult situations. That person is able to correctly regulate emotions, stress, or other aspects of a difficult situation.
People who understand self-management can take their properly vetted feelings and then act accordingly. This allows the situation to diffuse instead of ignite. And it allows them to become a beacon to others that may be struggling in their own situations.
People with good self management skills can navigate through the difficult situation(s) with emotions and behavior still in place. And they can come to a reasonable solution the vast majority of the time.
And finally, people who are adept at self management know how to handle stress, are self motivated, goal oriented, and able to think clearly, even when in crisis mode.
Social Awareness
Social awareness refers to understanding the culture and social norms that would allow people to relate to one another with empathy and understanding. They are able to draw from and provide resources in their community or anywhere in the world in a beneficial way to all.
They are also able to relate to others in a way that understands that everybody is an individual with their own autonomy and ability to move throughout life as they deem best for themselves.
The bottom line here is that you are respecting others for who they are. And you are allowing them to make their own decisions and guide their own lives. You are not trying to live their life for them and force them to make what you think is the right/best decision.
This includes understanding that you have not walked in their shoes and cannot make a decision for them. This premise is based on the fact that you do not have the same information or feelings that they do in their own life.
Finally, social awareness is being able to relate to just about anyone you meet because you understand that they are who they are because of the experiences and knowledge that they have experienced. And you can respect them for where they stand based on their life experiences.
Relationship Skills
Having good relationship skills means that people are able to relate meaningfully with one another. They understand well the give and take of relationship without leaning too heavily one way or the other. Even more, they understand that relationship is not just a set of transactions, but empathy and understanding of others.
Most importantly, it is realizing that everyone is their own person and that nobody is an extension of someone else.
Learning to relate to others in a healthy way may the most important aspect of living in society. It means you are a good listener, you work well with others, recognize needs and help accordingly, and are able to productively and kindheartedly diffuse situations that are threatening to escalate.
Responsible Decision-making
And finally, responsible decision-making is sort of the culmination of all of the above components.
It is the ability to take all of the information surrounding an event and make a decision based on what is best for those circumstances. This is something that takes time to navigate through successfully. That is why we have mentors and counselors–to help us learn what responsible and good looks like.
And many times, that right or best (since there is not always one right decision) is not the easiest decision. Many times you must do the hard thing.
Benefits of Social Emotional Skills in Middle School
Social emotional learning actually begins in the home, almost concurrently with birth. As your family cares for you and nurtures you, you are already learning most of these components by example.
On the flip side, studies have shown that children who are not nurtured from a young age can actually develop acute psychological and behavioral issues as they grow up without the guidance and care they need. I will cover more on this below.
As children grow, it becomes necessary to actively teach social emotional skills. And this is something that happens on a daily basis in the home, day care, church, play group, or whatever organization the child attends on a regular basis. It’s the “it takes a village” mentality played out in real life.
School Training Builds on Previous Training
By the time they get to school, children cannot name the training they have had thus far. But they will certainly be able to recognize the concepts and build on them as they learn them in their classroom. And they will learn even more through life with those they spend their school days with.
Elementary school is a perfect place to begin formal training regarding social emotional skills. By this time, students are old enough to understand good and bad consequences of thoughts and behavior. It is a perfect time to learn how to manage their own thoughts and behaviors. They can also learn how to empathize with others.
As they move from elementary school to middle school, students are very well able to learn to adapt to their situations and adjust their behavior accordingly. Thus, training in social emotional skills is critical. If we don’t start teaching these precepts now, there will be so much backtracking once they are older.
And honestly, isn’t it refreshing to see a young student who already has most of these concepts well established?
General Benefits of Social Emotional Skills
There are many benefits of students learning and using social emotional skills by the time they are in middle school. They get less frustrated because they understand how these “invisible” society wheels turn. They can evaluate their own thoughts accurately and manage their own actions/reactions well. And they make sound choices when they need to make decisions, big or small.
There are so many other great benefits of using social emotional skills. They are more at peace with themselves and others, they have much less fear of the unknown, and they tend to be great helpers of their peers because they have good understanding of what is going on around them.
Benefits of Learning Social Emotional Skills in Middle School
We all know that middle school is a difficult time. Students are kind of stuck between being small and growing up. They can see big changes looming on the horizon and even if they do have good social emotional skills, it is still a fearful time.
But one thing that most middle schoolers do have is the desire to tell you EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE THINKING. ALL THE TIME!
This has to be a God-given skill because is such an advantage to those who are working with them. Although I understand there are plenty of middle school students that aren’t wearing their heart on their sleeve. I was one of them. I NEVER let people know what I was thinking. And at the time I had no social emotional skills to be able to communicate what I was thinking. But this scenario is more the exception than the rule. And there are plenty of things we can do with these students. I will elaborate more on that later on.
Use What you Have: They Love to Tell You What They’re Thinking!
Okay, back to the subject. The vast majority of middle school students are eager to tell you what they are thinking at the moment they are thinking it. And this becomes a great advantage in guiding them through the process of social emotional learning.
You can use their willingness to share as a way to gently guide them through the thought processes of social emotional maturity. But it is important that you are doing it in a way that makes them think they are thinking their own way through it. By using this method you have done several great things.
First, you have actually guided their thinking rather than just telling them what to do. This allows them to see the proper train of thought. And it allows them to use that same train of thought in the future.
Rather than giving them the proverbial fish, you have taught them how to fish!
You have made them feel powerful over their emotions. And you have given them confidence that they can make a valid and mature decision.
All of these things will help them to grow in their ability to continue handling things as they arise. And learning how to handle the “big things” in middle school equips them to handle the real big things in life when they are faced with them.
This is some amazing potential that we can treat like an everyday part of life. Because it is!
What Happens When Kids Don’t Learn Social Emotional Skills
Earlier I mentioned that there are some pretty stark results when children are not given the love, nurture and attention they need in the home at an early age.
There are many reasons for this. Many time it is because parents are not emotionally healthy themselves and don’t understand how to communicate those things to their children.
What I have learned over the years is that many times those children come into your class at the beginning of the year quiet and hiding. But the majority of those kids will emerge from that shell when they realize you care. When you demonstrate to them that you can be trusted and are a safe person, they will notice. And when you show them that you truly care and are invested in their well-being, they will emerge! They want to be loved and respected. And they want to be heard, even when they’re quiet.
Time is Not on Our Side
One of the downsides to the educational system is that we only get one year to make a huge difference in some of these kids’ lives. And then we hope that the next teacher will recognize all of the children’s needs and pick up where we left off. And many of them do!
In the best case-scenario, the teachers are working with their students on these concepts that are also being taught in the home. But unfortunately, that is not always the case. And then the onus falls on the teacher to try to pick up the pieces.
It isn’t fair. And it puts too much pressure on teachers sometimes. And sometimes, no matter how well they do and how much they try, they are not able to reach all of their students. That is heartbreaking, but teachers should rest in the fact that they did what they could. And they can hope and pray that the next teacher will be able to get further than they did.
And that is what humanity in teaching looks like. Victory, defeat, love, heartbreak, and so many other things rolled up in a day, week, month, year.
Some Specific Ideas to Implement Social Emotional Skills in Your Classroom
There is a shortage of time in the classroom. The teacher feels that profoundly. And he/she is up against so many other academic deadlines. While virtually every teacher would love to teach these concepts to their students, many have a difficult time finding the time to do it.
So here are a few suggestions to slip these concepts in throughout the day.
Classroom Decor
This is the easiest way to do it without taking classroom time.
Posters, pictures, figurines, and many other things can show the students social emotional skills in an overt as well as subtle way.
I will admit I have had a hard time finding good posters for my classroom area because most of them are too “kiddy.” I would rather have a poster that is beautiful with a beautiful saying or message on it than a loud, cartoony poster.
I plan to start making my own for the coming school year. I will be happy to share them here once that is done. In the meantime, I do have a related article I wrote some time ago that has some great posters you can print for free now! Check it out here.
As for any items you put in your classroom, if they are prominently displayed, your students will notice them. And they will comment on them. And you now have a perfect opening for a great conversation.
Perfect Opportunities to Learn Empathy
There are tons of opportunities all day long to interact with your students on these topics. But doing it when in the middle of a crisis is dangerous territory. You can help them to wade through the decision-making process of the crisis at hand.
But it certainly is not a time for lectures or a lesson. Just help them get through it. Save the profound discussion for a time that they don’t feel like their life is riding on it!
For the times that you are not in crisis-mode, you can ask them questions based on some statement they make to you. Middle school students tend to talk incessantly. And this is an advantage for you in the arena of teaching them social emotional skills.
Make sure your questions are not pointed and allow them to contemplate and respond to you with a response that comes from their own heart and thoughts. You will be surprised at how astute middle schoolers can be!
In the cases of them giving a poorly thought out answer, again guide their thinking rather than thinking for them. After a year of this kind of dialogue you will have an entirely different student!
Decision-Making Skills
Set up activities in your daily lesson plans that focus on your students being faced with a choice that they need to evaluate and decide on. You can do this in literally all of your subjects. It especially works out well in history because you can talk about decisions others made and the consequences it brought to the world. It also works well in ELA with the implementation of some great writing prompts.
Most teachers are already doing this on a regular basis. Just being more mindful of the opportunities will open up a whole new world of important conversations.
Casual or Formal? Both!
So I already covered some casual and formal ways to present lessons for social emotional learning. Which one is better? Neither! They are both critical components to teaching your students social emotional skills. That is because they need to learn the concepts formally. But they also need to see them played out in life, and they need to gain some experience with them.
So it is good to have a good balance of both formal and casual opportunities to address social emotional skills in your classroom!
Conclusion
So this is what teaching social emotional skills in middle school looks like. And the good news is that most schools in America and a huge number worldwide are creating programs that encourage this learning at the classroom level. One such example is the state of Ohio. You can read their state document regarding their expectations statewide here. Their Superintendent of Public Instruction, Paolo DeMaria, had these incredibly wise words to say regarding social emotional learning:
“What do we mean by social-emotional learning? Human beings are social creatures. That means in
society, successfully interacting with other people is essential to the effective functioning of a community,
a workplace and even a family. People need to know how to successfully interact with each other,
establish and maintain positive relationships, feel and show empathy, understand and manage their
emotions and set and achieve positive goals. Social-emotional learning improves children’s mental health
and helps them avoid risky decisions, make healthy choices and stay drug free.
Sounds simple, right? But, in reality, we need to be more specific and intentional about helping students
acquire these skills and understand that they are important to future success.”
There is infinite truth in that social emotional skills are taught in the home almost as soon as your children are born. And as citizens in the world, that learning does not end in their lifetime. So let’s give them the start that they need!
If you liked this article, I think you may also like the following articles:
10 Perfect Picture Books to Teach Middle Schoolers Social Emotional Intellingence: Some are Free!
Self-Care Books for Middle Schoolers
How Do Teachers Get and Stay Fit? Inspiring Ideas for Every Teacher
How Reading Positively Affects Your Brain Activity
Using Literature to Combat Bullying
How Teachers Can Encourage Introverted Students
How to Organize a Teacher Spa Day
How to Identify and Help Students With Eating Disorders: A Guest Post
At that age, children are very delicate. We’re getting my brother tested for autism because he’s really struggling with his emotions and social awareness
Thinking back to middle school, it really is so amazing how much we learn from our social interactions! It is so formative how you see yourself and how others respond to you. Thanks for sharing this information!
In middle school I thought it was a complex moment for me emotionally it was. Very difficult.
I’m sorry, Cristina. It is such a hard time for so many middle school students.
Thanks for sharing this very important subject. The old school mentality of hiding our emotions has brought us to a difficult place. It is great to see the shift in teaching.
I think these skills are important! There are some kids who need more of these skills. My daughter tells me of kids who will just shout in class if they are upset with the teacher.
I think that’s social developing skills has to be a important topic in middle school. I think middle schoolers are like Play-Doh, they can be mold in to positive or negative ways. Teachers need to be there to be aware of the dramatic changes these kids go through.Sometimes middle schoolers have more stress even though they are not paying bills but they’re having trouble in their homes or being bullied in school and teachers have to be there to be that support when no one can.
You are exactly right, Jessica. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I can’t agree more!!! Social emotional skills or emotional intelligence is a must have skill nowadays.
I always forget how important social intereractions were in middle school and how much they form our overall character. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of this.
I super agree with developing social-emotional skills at an earlier age. But if I can share my own experience, I have had good social-emotional relations when I was a student up until college. It was when I was already working that I’ve had very bad experiences of manipulation, injustice, and harassment, that I’ve become very cautious in my work relationships.
Wonderful post such a good information about learning from our social interactions. The social interaction always build the leadership skills. Thanks for sharing good article..
Thank you, Teerath!
I agree with you. Kids who haven’t learned about these leads to bullying without realizing the consequences. Kids need to know that social emotional skills are important.
There was so much more I could have written about that, but my article was already getting so long! Maybe I should write a book, lol!
A little bit louder for the people in the back! Amen for this post. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us!
Thank you, Krysten. ♥
There are an incredible amount of skills that we learn as we are young. This is excellent information. Thank you for sharing.
This is definitely vital! It’s so important for their future years, and even their present ones!
This is so important. While a child should be learning good social emotional skills throughout their lives, this isn’t always prioritized. We will inevitably come across children who are not getting the support and encouragement necessary at home. For these children, social groups and school are the biggest positive influences in their lives.
This is so amazing. I couldn’t agree more with everything you wrote in this post. Indeed learning social emotional skills is very important in every child’s life. For this matter, they can have positive outlook in life.
Thank you, Ara!
every school’s curriculum needs to be changed to adapt this… learning emotional skills is really important especially that kids nowadasy easily get depressed.. 🙁
You are right, Cha. There is so much more pressure now than before. It is hard on the kids. We all need social emotional skills but kids need it more than ever before.
Middle school can be so challenging and difficult for some kids. I strongly believe that these skills are very important in developing our kids for the future. Good social skill help to develop good leaders for the future.
Social emotional skills are a must for thorough development of each child, thank you for bringing this up!
I agree that social emotional skills are so important and so under-taught. Unfortunately schools in my territory are uber focused on academics, with little room for anything else.
Maybe this could be done as an after school writing club or a neighborhood club on the weekends! A parent could sponsor that! Thank you for sharing, Kez!
This was such a helpful and informative article. I love your point about how these programs are usually started in elementary school, and it’s true, the early years for children is where they gain the majority of their social development.
So true, Ebony! The research now is talking about just how important it is to teach these things especially in the younger years. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Good social emotional skills will definitely help kids especially on how they deal with other children. I agree that these skills should be taught at home. Nice read
I have always believed in developing good social skills, and learning them the earlier the better. Emotional, Physical, etc. Like you mentioned they all prepare for adulthood, the earlier the skills are learned the better. I personally am not a huge fan of homeschooling, because this can get lost, or at least it is harder to develop, but is definitely doable. Of course with the current pandemic, that is a necessity to homeschool, for some, but things will change and schools will open agin.
We have started social emotional learning in our homerooms this year. I find that class most relatable, and easiest to work with…I don’t feel like it’s a coincidence. I am a fan of SEL.
I so glad to hear that it is working well for your class! You will never know the full reach of it as these kids grow up and become adults in society. But you will know that you have done an amazing thing with these kids!
social emotional skills are very important in the adult life, unfortunately, when they are not being tought since childhood we end up with really disturbing adults
Unfortunately, you are exactly right. Thank you for sharing.
There is definitely a difference when they start middle school. It’s a whole new world at that age.
I find it should even start before middle school…and yes it starts at home! Kids need to know how to deal with real life skills/emotions not just be pushed with academics.
You are exactly right, Sam! It really does pretty much start from birth. Thank you for sharing.
SO important to learn this in childhood. I know adults who can’t seem to manage. Sigh.
Unfortunately, Jordan, you are right. It is critical to learn these things in childhood.
Everything has its pros and cons, these skills are necessary and yes it should start from home.
Your blog is super useful for me with two young boys at home that don’t go to school anymore due to the pandemic. Thanks again this article was pretty useful when it comes to manage your emotion.
I am glad that it was helpful for you!
Social Emotional Learning is so important in middle school as the time where they are exploring different feelings and changing.
You are exactly right. ♥
this is a great post. i would imagine that the distance learning would prove whether the students have mastered self management?
Social Emotional skills are the key for any and all relationships and interactions and this should be taught and spoken about from the beginning. Earlier talking about emotions was never really taught/encouraged hence so many close ones we know of struggle even being able to express simplest of emotions and that’s just heartbreaking.
Superb and Brilliant idea. I have heard of certain students in my child’s class who were suffering because of mental pressure from parents or some untoward family incidents at home. Children are so vulnerable and sensitive, they need love, guidance and compassion at each stages of their life.
I truly love all the advice you give to other teachers and parents! Thank you! To be honest I am amazed at how current preschool and grade school students are getting emotional information and instruction, I sure did not get that back in the day.
This is a great topic to talk about specially with social distancing and people are venturing to social media. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
i do think and agree with you that they are very important , which is why that we are still on lockdown where i live it worries me how my own daughter will cope – kind regards Pati Robins at style squeeze blog
I definitely think the social aspect of education is very important. There is so much you must learn as a growing human about how to manage yourself and yourself around and with other to be a successful adult.
Really informative article! I don’t have children at home anymore, as mine are grown, but made me think back about having my kids at home.
Social Emotional Skills are important as it affects a child’s communication skills. I think we should help kids improve it so they can communicate confidently with other children.
Yes Emman! And the better they get at working with other kids, the better prepared they are to do this in the real world as adults.
As teens, having strong social emotional skills is really important to one’s success in life. I have noticed that these skills are associated with better behavior. 🙂 That’s why it’s a must that these will be taught to kids as early as possible…
I agree! It is amazing to see when younger kids understand these concepts and it affects the rest of their day’s activities in a positive way.
Totally agree. If schools focused of useful daily skills like self awareness, mental strength, showing respect, empathy, understanding taxation etc., students would come out into the real world well equipped to handle life. Unfortunately, most schools don’t.
Great post on highlighting the right skills for students.
You are exactly right! What a huge difference this would make in the world if our young adults were prepared for their adult life!
Since we are a social being, I think social emotional skills should be taught as early as pre-school. That’s my opinion.
You are right and then some, Ramil! Learning social emotional skills starts pretty much at birth. That is why it is so important for all of us to have them–we can begin passing them on to our children in how they relate in the home. What an advantage that turns out to be in life!
Social emotional skills are so important to be a well rounded human being. This was a very thorough breakdown on it’s benefits and why it’s so crucial!
I believe all schools must include this in their curriculum. It is important for a child to learn social emotional skills. Society today is way different compared to the time when we were growing up. I think it is never too early to teach these skills to kids, and it should also be reinforced at home.
I am totally all for emotional social skills development. People with awkward social skills suffer a lot in real life so ensuring that a kid develops this is vital.
Last year my nephew told me that social emotional learning programs held in their school and I was very happy to know that just because Social Emotional Learning not only improves social-emotional skills, but also increase positive attitudes toward school and towards social behavior.
I think this is really important. Emotional skills are as vital to success as any other skill.
I’ve never really thought about it but it would make sense how important these skills would be not just for middle school for life as well! Its so important to have a solid foundation in these skills to be successful at life!
Kileen
cute & little
Social Emotional Skills are important because it helps develop communication and social skills. Especially during teenage years were kids are still learning to adjust.
Social emotional skills are very important for kids to build develop their confidence and relationship especially in the teenage age. That’s why communicating is very important.
As a homeschooled student throughout K12, I feel like I really missed out on opportunities to learn and practice these skills! Thank you for outlining some of the most important ones. My daughter enters middle school next year, and I hope I have prepared her well!
This is a very insightful post! To be honest, I had a tough time understanding my social emotions when I was in middle school!
We actually had a similar program during highschool, one hour a week in which we discussed different topics related to life, with our head teacher. It was more like a debate but each week a different student was the one preparing the session.
That’s a very informative and helpful post about social emotion skill awarness. Kids should be taught that in school
Positive social and emotional development is important. This development influences a child’s self-confidence, empathy, the ability to develop meaningful and lasting friendships and partnerships, and a sense of importance and value to those around him/her.
I have had great social emotional skills from the time I started school til my collage days .I never let the bullies get the best of me.
Wow this is a very in depth post. I think emotional skill awareness should be taught in all schools because some kids will never learn this at home. This can help them be emotional mature adults.
Wow this is a very in depth post. I think emotional skill awareness should be taught in all schools because some kids will never learn this at home. This can help them be emotional mature adults.
This is very important subject. Thank you for sharing with us. Iam agreeing with you that emotional skill awareness should be taught in all schools